Scattered

thoughts on the morning after

I worry. I worry once again we live in a world of uncertainty, where anything can happen. I worry about the crazy old men with the worst of humanity’s impulses who have access to the worst of humanity’s weapons. When will the Doomsday Clock start ticking closer to midnight again?

I worry. Not about this pregnancy, but about future ones. I worry about becoming a headline. Another tragic loss of a woman with an ectopic pregnancy/miscarriage/life-threatening pregnancy unable to find a doctor willing to interpret murky laws around whose life they can save.

— Oh, next week is Veterans Day and daycare is closed. Time to look at our schedules and see how we can manage to work and have our son home. —

I worry. I worry that my children and grandchildren will never know the magic of snow, or squeal with pleasure as they sled down the hill, or run inside for cocoa, noses pink from cold. It’s 78 degrees today in Massachuessettes. It should be about 52.

— That’s right. I have that client meeting this afternoon. I better collect my notes. —

I worry. Will we ever be able to buy a home? High tariffs don’t strengthen economies. They’re more likely to break them.

— Can’t forget, that one client requested an additional report by the end of the week. Better make sure I save a little time to look into it this afternoon. —

I worry. I worry about losing our ability to hear each other over the noise of our division. Most of us just want to afford the food on the table and the roof over our heads and that’s hard to fault, no matter how one votes. Isn’t it?

I worry. I worries the worries will never cease. That this world won’t be a better one for my children.

I worry — but wait, my manager just Slacked me. Better see what’s up. —

I worry. I worry about free speech. I worry about our democracy, and how long it can hold. It’s a great thought experiment, after all. It only works when we all believe it works. What happens when a Strong Man says he knows better?

I worry. I worry we’ve forgotten what it means to take the Lord’s name in vain — even when it looks us in the face, smirking for the camera in posts at the top of our social media feeds. I worry we ignore that Jesus is the Prince of Peace, that His kingdom is not of this world, and that He rebuked His own disciple who took up a sword to defend Him before His arrest. I worry that each one of us, in one way or another, has failed to do justice, and love kindness, and to walk humbly with our God — a failure none of us seem quick to repent of.

— Ooooh, our Christmas cards arrived! Time for a break to take a look at them. —

I worry. But as I worry, I open the box I picked up from the mail room and unwrap the cards from the plastic surrounding them. The photos I labored over stare up at me, taken in a different world. Somehow, this card, designed and ordered in the before, speaks to me in the after. “A light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:5” it proclaims.

Amid all my scattered thoughts, I hold this one close.